Day 1626

"Life is a series of surprises, and would not be worth taking or keeping if it were not." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life has been extremely busy lately. My parents are slowly improving..... which is great, but they still have a long way to go before I can return home to Newfoundland.

I just returned home from a brisk walk and I feel great. I've managed to keep on track over the last few weeks even though I'm under an incredible amount of stress, and typically finish each day exhausted. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm surprised by my commitment under these circumstances.

I have a few posts on the go saved as drafts, and if all goes well I'll try to complete them tomorrow. I also need to update my sidebar with last weeks results. As for now, I'm heading to bed.

To Do List

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
- John Lennon

As a person with A.D.D a To-Do List is an absolute MUST when trying to remain focused and on top of daily/weekly tasks. Keeping on top of things helps me reduce stress, and reducing stress helps me remain content and happy.......a key to Mental Wellness.

I've decided to change the To-Do List items and the post date to the beginning of each week as there's no need to populate my blog with a tonne of past completed lists.

Notes for this week:

This week will likely be as crazy as the last, but hopefully I'll be able to knock off a few things.

To Do List: items to be completed before Sept. 23rd, 2009
(High Priority items are red)

- rake leaves around side and rear of the house
- sweep off the back deck
- put items on back deck into storage
- take winter stuff out of storage
- clean out shed
- Submit documents to doctors office
- Pick-up completed documents from doctors office
- Drop off completed documents to Service Canada
- send letter to Auntie Jean with documents for dad.... with return envelope/stamp
- Call Gov concerning the documents that didn't arrive.
- Make follow-up call to Gov concerning the documents that didn't arrive.
- complete (or delete) Born Squishy drafts.
- Remind Kev to get website info

Future To Do's:

- start/finish "My weight, My life: Part 4" post for blog

Back in Newfoundland.... Future Tasks:

- read 1st chapter of my meditation book
- start reading "Divorcing Ed"
- add "Divorcing Ed" to book list.
- build book shelf in basement
- empty book boxes onto new book shelf
- build cork board display area for Josh & Vanessa's art
- hang up family photo's
- organize hardware racks (screws, nails, bolts, etc.) in garage
- purchase 4 electronic thermostats and install them.
- paint front walkway
- build ground level deck at rear of house
- build a window box for Sherri's office

Crunching Numbers

"Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare." ~ Rene Descartes

Numbers are important to me. They help me keep track of things. Keep me organized. Help me visualize progress, or the lack thereof. They are an essential part of tracking time, past, present and future.

With that in mind, lets take a moment to consider some important numbers in regards to this blog.

- Born Squishy was launched on Saturday, May 14th, 2005
- 4 Year, 5 Months, and 5 Days ago......
- That makes this Week #231 or Day #1619

- My starting stat's were as follows:

Age: 31
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 243.0 lbs.
Body Fat %: 34.2

- On Sept. 9th, 2009 (after being absent for 187 Days) I changed my starting stats & date to:

Aug. 1st, 2009
Age: 35
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 259.0 lbs.
Body Fat %: 39.7

I realize that this really isn't necessary, but I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my deceit.... not that it fooled anyone. I just couldn't face returning (yet again) to my blog in worse shape than I started in.

I understand the whole "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" and the importance of "learning from our mistakes"...... I just couldn't acknowledge it at the time.

So..... until the day comes when time travel is an viable option and I have ability to distort the 'space-time continuum', I'll have to remember to live in the present, learn from my past, and apply that knowledge to make a plan for the future.

Day 1620 here I come.

Quick Update

"Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's within walking distance"
~ Unknown

Things have been insanely busy lately. I don't have enough time for a full post, so here's another very brief update:

1. My father is slowly recovering from his surgery.
2. My mother is still in the hospital and is improving in health, but hasn't made any progress in terms of her condition...... surgery might be the only option left.
3. My brother and I have patched things up.
4. I'm very excited to announce the arrival of my GoWear Fit "Lifestyle and Calorie Management System" device. I'll have a very detailed post on this in the future..... hopefully near as apposed to distant.
5. I created an account to track my calorie intake on SparkPeople...... detailed post to follow.

Although I've been taking great care of my parents, I've completely neglected my own health and well being. I've binged, spent far too much time in front of the computer, had little to no exercise..... Yadda, yadda, yadda.... I need to spend more time on helping myself.

With GoWear Fit, SparkPeople and this blog I hope to make progress in looking after me.

My brother

"A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity"
~ Proverbs 17:17

I'm by no means a religious person, but this quote hits too close to home at the moment.

As you know, my brother and I just had a big blow out that nearly came to blows. He left the house, with me close at his back trying to persuade him not to go. He told me to just leave him alone (in so many words). I didn't, but eventually gave in to his repeated request for 10mins alone"".

He drove off..... that was almost an hour ago.

For the sake of my parents, my brother, and my sanity, I have we have to resolve this ASAP..... hopefully when he comes back. We need each others support, and we need to work together..... otherwise I'm not sure how we'll get through the next few days, let alone the next 3+ weeks.

Patience will be paramount.... wish me luck.

UPDATE: he returned, looked at me and said "I'm going to bed". He wasn't in the mood to talk, but we did hug and agreed to talk tomorrow.

I took the dog for a late night walk and saw a shooting star. I won't reveal my wish, but it was a little more localized than "World Peace" ;)

Overwhelmed - Part Deux

"Sound character provides the power with which a person may ride the emergencies of life instead ob being overwhelmed by them. Failure is... the highway to success." ~ Og Mandino

I'm not quite sure what Oggy considered to be "emergencies of life" but I think I'm entering a state of emergency that is almost unquantifiable in nature. Success or failure are concepts that I don't even think can be applied to my life at the moment. The only factor that remains to be significant at the moment is survival, and right now that aspect feels unachievable at the best of times.

Here's a really.... really brief run down over the last few weeks:

My Father
- after being diagnosed with emphysema (about a month ago) went in for a biopsy... a procedure that was supposed to be an in-evasive in/out ordeal.
- his procedure turned out to be very evasive. He had severe drug interactions at the hospital and was held for over a week.
- he's now in incredible pain, is barely mobile and recovery time is 7-13 weeks.
- impatient, intolerant, quick to anger, defensive, emotional roller coaster.

My Mother
- her lupus flared up, her back pain went through the roof and she developed severe flu like symptoms.
- she was rushed to the hospital, and after tons of test was diagnosed to have a staff infection in her spine.
- she spent 6 weeks in hospital and was released about a week ago.
- since her release, she's in incredible pain, almost immobile, and keep food/water down or in.... I'm trying not to get gross.
- I had her taken back to the hospital today for more tests, to be hydrated.... but they sent her home again by the end of the day. Apparently she's in too great of a risk being at the hospital due to her illness and current infection.... there's too many people at the hospital that could make her already bad infection even worse.

Brother
- is in the middle of a separation from his wife of 10yrs.
- has been diligently trying to juggle his new job, taking care of both parents and the above mess.

Myself
- I've only been home to see Sherri 3 times over the last year.
- My roommates were returning to Newfoundland, so I was in the process of moving to a new apartment.... that was until my new roommates back out on me.
- between missing Sherri beyond belief, having 2 ailing parents and an exhausted sibling, and no place to live I decided to pack my stuff up and make the 4000 km drive to Ontario to help out.
- I'm hoping to gets things somewhat back to normal here before making the remaining 3500 km trek back to Newfoundland.

Additional Notes:
- Sept. 19th was my birthday..... which I worked O/T on and it sucked.
- I'm completely emotionally drained.
- my brother and I came very close to beating the crap out of each other today.... emotions are extremely high and my parents place, although perfect for them, was never designed for four adults...... and my brothers 2 kids who stayed over for the night.

Originally I started writing this post the day after finishing my last post. I had a decent week and I ate well at work with the exception of one shift where I left my lunch by the front door of my apartment and was forced to dine from the vending machine, as 16hrs away from home, without food is not an option.

The days following the start of that post probably wiped out my week of progress. The news from home, and the loss of the apartment was just too much for my fragile will power to cope with. My inability to cope lead to a lot of binging and inner turmoil until I had a heart to heart with Sherri, and later my boss, which lead to the decision to quit my job & return home.

I realize that I keep using the word "home" in 2 different contexts, which I guess i should explain. My original home, the home of my family is here in Ontario. The place I consider my true home now is Newfoundland, and more importantly with Sherri.

I had a lot of things that I hoped to discuss in this post, but with everything that's been going on I think I'll leave them for a later date, when things are a bit less hectic and when I'm able to think a little more clearly.

I had typed a few point for notes that I was going to discuss and although I'm leaving that for another day, I'm going to leave them here for future reference...... these are only half completed thoughts or ideas, so some will only make sense to me.

- Observation about 12 step programs, Food addiction, eating disorder, binging, tweak, never ending process, now week.... and day.... ,working on wordpress.

Thanks for letting me rant and for taking the time to read this mess of a post.

Overwhelmed

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it” ~ Terry Pratchett

I have so much to discuss, but to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea where to begin. I think I'm going to call it a night and get some much needed sleep. Hopefully that will give my brain a few hours to digest all my thoughts into some sort of semblance of a plan of attack.

Until then goodnight.

Back to Blogging

"I wanted to be an up-to-date King, but I didn't have much time"
- King Edward VIII

I've finally updated my sidebar and sorted out all the links & most of the information. I'm on a much needed vacation, and I'm spending it @ home here in Newfoundland. 2009 has been a really rough year for me. Both of my parents are ill and have been in and out of hospital, which has been extremely hard for me since I'm working out West in Alberta, my home & girlfriend (which I rarely get to see) are back East in Newfoundland, and my ailing parents are in Ontario.

To put things in perspective, I've only seen Sherri 3 times over the last year, and I spent a month at home with my parents. Beyond that I've been working my ass of in Fort McMurray, Alberta.

Food/eating wise I've been a complete mess during my absence from my home (and my blog)..... and my weight/health is proof.

During my visit, Sherri and I discussed this and other related things to great length and we both agreed that we have to make some serious changes in our lives.

I don't have much time to discuss anything right now (it's taken me 3 days to compose this), but I will be posting more during the upcoming days. As an FYI, I work 3 days, followed by 3 nights, followed by 6 days off, so my blogging will come and go in spurts.

I'm flying back to Fort McCrappy early tomorrow morning and it's off to work the next day for the beginning of my 6 day rotation.

Thanks for popping by and checking up on me over the long months of inactivity.